Dreams

Recently I treated myself to my very first bed that was truly my own.  Over the years I've had hand-me-down beds, or bad situations where I ended up with nothing but the frame.  So naturally my new brown leather sleigh bed with a custom made mattress was a huge deal for me.  Ever since I've been sleeping in the bed I've been having very vivid dreams.  In the past, I never dreamed much and when I did I never remembered anything about them.

One dream in particular stood out to me.  It was a dream where I met who I believe to be my future daughter.  This dream was major for me for several reasons.  First because I am 31 years old and I have never been pregnant.  This has been a very intentional choice because I have always had a vision for how I wanted my life to be and I had no intention of straying from that until I'd achieved a certain set of goals and married my future husband. 

As I began to approach the age of 30, a fearful thought began to creep into my psyche. What if I can't have children?  I love children and would love to have a family someday so it goes without saying that the mere idea of me not being able to conceive was devastating.  So when I had this dream I was overcome with a sense of peace and hope.

In the dream she was maybe 8 or so months old and we called her MeMe because she looked just like me.  The only difference was her hair was much more shiny and curly than my own. I wonder who her father is going to be?  Will she be as crazy as me?  Will she be sassy with me at the age of thirteen like I was with my Mom?  Will I have to build a fence around the house to keep the boys away? I did a little research on the subject and found that several people have dreamed about their children before they were born. 

MeMe was beautiful and I am excited about meeting her some day.  I just wanted to put it out here so when she comes, I can look back and see that perhaps dreams really do come true :)

Just Venting...

You ever feel the need to vent?  Sometimes, I feel like if I don't get my thoughts or feelings out...I'll explode! They may be wrong, they may be negative, but how can we not feel?  I've tried it several times, tried to shut down, block out, build walls...but ultimately feelings prevail!  I have tons and tons of journals which hold my random rants but I think I'll begin to vent for all the world to see, because perhaps someone can relate...

Why do we spend so much time doing things that we don't want to do?  We put the feelings, wants, needs of others before our own..then we find ourselves upset when they don't reciprocate. Why should they?  It was our conscious choice to place our happiness, our joy, our time in their hands. They didn't ask for it, they didn't take it...we gave it willingly.  So why then is it that we are shocked or devastated when they move on or treat us far from less than the best?

It all boils down to the value that we place on ourselves.  I've learned that the only person that can really treat you how you want to be treated is YOU.  You know what you like, you know what you love...you have to look at yourself in the mirror everyday..so why not be the one to show everyone else how it's done.

Now I'm done. For now....not sure if it made any sense...but I just had to get it off of my chest.

Disclaimer:  I guess you think this blog is about you? Don't you? Don't you? Don't You? (Remember Janet's song? LOL)  Well it's not.  It's just something that was on my heart...it may not even have been for me....it might have just been something that I was meant to write for someone else.

Marketing and Motivation Mondays with Monica Marie Jones

One Breath...

Sometimes I feel I fall one breath short of living.

Suspended in a state of destructive thoughts and feelings.

When you live inside of your head, how do you survive?

Smothered by thoughts and emotions that you’ve always tried to hide.

A dark place with very little air.  It’s like you’re drowning in a pool of self imposed despair.

I need light…sunshine to be exact…to thrive.
If I stay inside of this cognitive cave I won’t make it out alive

Holding On To Hope...Hoping to Hold On

Am I holding on to hopelessness?
Making you out to be something that even you can’t see?

It’s not you…it’s me
Trying to make you into what I want you to be

When all that you can be is you
And until you are ready, there’s really nothing I can do
To make you want to stay
The tighter I hold on, the more you pull away

The only way to have you, may be to let you go
So we can have the space and time that we both need to grow

Intoxication (A Poem)

Your presence is intoxicating

A natural high so stimulating

I can only experience you in moderation

If we continue to be so close

I might overdose

You are my sweet release

My place of peace

Something so good can’t be safe

Tiny increments are all that I can take

Small portions…I can only take a taste

I must pace myself…there’s no need for haste

I’m always left wanting more

Every time that you leave I press my ear, my face, my hand…my heart against the door

In the morning I open my eyes in anticipation of seeing your face

Instead a hangover looms in your place

Hung over from taking in too much of you

You’re like a habit I can’t shake..one hit turns into two

Intoxication…inebriation…I don’t know what to call it

All I know is that I can’t wait for the next installment

Marketing and Motivation Mondays Radio Show Excerpt May 10, 2010