Happy Holidays! A RARE and Special Gift from Me to You :)

Finding Balance: Love Versus Life

Sometimes when we find love, we lose ourselves.   We meet that amazing individual and before we even know what hit us we have suddenly disappeared inside of a serious relationship.  We disappear because we have begun to neglect our friends, our professional business, our family and often times even our health.  Ladies, think about your last long term relationship?  How did it affect your weight?  I know for me, I tend to gain ten to forty extra pounds when I settle down because we spend so much time eating and laying around enjoying each others company that any focus on fitness seems to fly out of the window. Ultimately, we get to a point where we struggle to find a balance between the love and living a healthy and productive life as an individual.

 I’ve always had a hard time with this, but I came to realize that much of the problem was that I hadn’t taken a good enough amount of time to know, love and commit to myself.  As a result, it was easy to pour all of my love into someone else.  Now that I have taken the time to love me first, I’ve found that I love others in a far more health way.  Even still, a new challenge has risen to the surface.  In an effort to avoid backtracking or resorting to my old ways, I found myself avoiding relationships altogether.  I tried to convince myself that I just wanted to be single so that I wouldn’t risk falling into that same unbalanced pattern again.  Just when all of these jumbled and confusing thoughts threatened to overwhelm and consume me, I took a break from my hectic existence to watch the movie, “Eat Pray Love.”

In the movie, based on the book by the same name, a woman my age finds herself in the midst of a marriage and a life that is no longer fulfilling. In an attempt to find her joy, she leaves all that she knows for a year and takes a journey of self-discovery.  On that journey she focuses on learning and loving herself by placing herself in new environments with new people and spending a lot of time in prayer and meditation.  As she nears the end of her journey, love finds her and initially she runs from it feeling that it might cause her to lose that balance that she worked so hard to attain.

Just when she is prepared to walk away from the love, a wise teacher that she met along the way reminds her that "losing balance for love is a part of living a balanced life." In all of our struggles to get it all right and to have it all figured out,... let's not lose sight of what's really important…Love.

Beautiful Monster

I can only breathe you in moderation

Your very essence emits a mysterious mist that leads to utter intoxication

Get away from me…

You put my ability to control myself in jeopardy

I might just take you and make you mine eternally

I don’t want to like you...

I’ve already read that story

I know that it ends in a dangerous territory

You are breaking all of the rules…

We’re supposed to be friends, just really cool

To want anything more would make me a fool

You’re going to make me love you…

Wait…I already do

Rejection Reloaded

"I'm and artist and I'm sensitive about my - - - -"  - Erykah Badu

I’m pretty darn confident.   But every now and then I get a pretty hard blow that darn near knocks me off my little personal pedestal.  This past summer I made the decision to pitch my latest self-published novel, “Swag” to a few major publishers.  I really believed in the work and felt that I had grown quite a bit as a writer since the last book that I released (“Floss”).  

The first correspondence that I got from one of the publishers was favorable.  They were interested in my work and requested for me to send the entire manuscript.  That felt good.  Then, two of the other publishers sent me rejection letters within a week of one another.  The first one was cool, because they said my book wasn’t a fit for what they were looking for and they sent some amazing resources to help me improve my writing skills.  The last one that I received said that my writing wasn’t strong enough.  That stung.  

I love and welcome honest feedback, whether it’s good or bad, but that made me start to wonder, is writing books, really what I am supposed to be doing?  It made me second guess myself, which I don’t do often.  I mean, I absolutely love all things that have anything to do with reading, books and words, but does that mean that I am supposed to be an author?

“Perhaps I’m just supposed to be a literary personality or socialite,” I thought.  Perhaps someone like a Kim Kardashian or Paris Hilton of the Literary Industry.  Not necessarily having the skill or talent, but just as popular and paid as the accomplished and skilled actors, musicians and other entertainers….

But God…

Swag was released over a year ago, yet just this past week, out of nowhere,  I began hearing from readers whose opinions I really respect, about how much they enjoyed Swag and how they cannot wait for the next installment (“Intrigue”).  They didn’t know what I was going through.  They didn’t know that I had begun to doubt if this was really what I was supposed to be doing.  They didn’t know that their honest opinions came right on time…at a time when I needed them most...  

So to all of my readers:  I really appreciate you.  Thank you for being the conduit for my confirmations.

"INTRIGUE" a novel by Monica Marie Jones

Intrigue by Monica Marie Jones (The Third Installment of the Floss Series)M

Dionysus Staves has turned her life around. Once a heartless vixen that used men to get what she wanted, she’s now a well-known and successful entrepreneur in the entertainment industry. Just when she finally feels that she has control of her future, Abel Harrington unexpectedly re-enters her life.  He too has made some major changes, the most shocking change being his transformation from a man that played just as hard as, if not more than, he worked to a pastor.

Both Dionysus and Abel have a presence about them—the looks, the personality, and the status—that is so powerful all they have to do is enter a room and everyone is instantly drawn to them in some way.  Once their paths cross again after years of no contact, it is only natural that they are drawn to one another.

Now that Abel has answered his calling and Dionysus has left her sordid past behind to become a successful business owner, how will this magnetic and addictive aura that they emit affect their career paths and their relationship?

Will Dionysus be able to let go of her feelings of inadequacy based on her indiscretions of the past and be open to the idea that she does deserve good things?  Will Abel be able to ward off all of the forward advances from the women of the church and the pressure to find a virtuous woman to take as his wife?

Can Abel and Dionysus put aside the pain of the past and the pressures of the present in order to take a chance on love?

    

The Monica Marie Jones Show! "Do Your Words Match Your Actions?"

The Monica Marie Jones Show!!! "Why Do We Want What We KNOW is NOT Good ...

The Monica Marie Jones Show! Ask Monica: How Does Your Weight Affect How...

P.O.W.E.R. Players Networking Event Promo: June 17, 2010 - Atlanta, GA

Dreams

Recently I treated myself to my very first bed that was truly my own.  Over the years I've had hand-me-down beds, or bad situations where I ended up with nothing but the frame.  So naturally my new brown leather sleigh bed with a custom made mattress was a huge deal for me.  Ever since I've been sleeping in the bed I've been having very vivid dreams.  In the past, I never dreamed much and when I did I never remembered anything about them.

One dream in particular stood out to me.  It was a dream where I met who I believe to be my future daughter.  This dream was major for me for several reasons.  First because I am 31 years old and I have never been pregnant.  This has been a very intentional choice because I have always had a vision for how I wanted my life to be and I had no intention of straying from that until I'd achieved a certain set of goals and married my future husband. 

As I began to approach the age of 30, a fearful thought began to creep into my psyche. What if I can't have children?  I love children and would love to have a family someday so it goes without saying that the mere idea of me not being able to conceive was devastating.  So when I had this dream I was overcome with a sense of peace and hope.

In the dream she was maybe 8 or so months old and we called her MeMe because she looked just like me.  The only difference was her hair was much more shiny and curly than my own. I wonder who her father is going to be?  Will she be as crazy as me?  Will she be sassy with me at the age of thirteen like I was with my Mom?  Will I have to build a fence around the house to keep the boys away? I did a little research on the subject and found that several people have dreamed about their children before they were born. 

MeMe was beautiful and I am excited about meeting her some day.  I just wanted to put it out here so when she comes, I can look back and see that perhaps dreams really do come true :)

Just Venting...

You ever feel the need to vent?  Sometimes, I feel like if I don't get my thoughts or feelings out...I'll explode! They may be wrong, they may be negative, but how can we not feel?  I've tried it several times, tried to shut down, block out, build walls...but ultimately feelings prevail!  I have tons and tons of journals which hold my random rants but I think I'll begin to vent for all the world to see, because perhaps someone can relate...

Why do we spend so much time doing things that we don't want to do?  We put the feelings, wants, needs of others before our own..then we find ourselves upset when they don't reciprocate. Why should they?  It was our conscious choice to place our happiness, our joy, our time in their hands. They didn't ask for it, they didn't take it...we gave it willingly.  So why then is it that we are shocked or devastated when they move on or treat us far from less than the best?

It all boils down to the value that we place on ourselves.  I've learned that the only person that can really treat you how you want to be treated is YOU.  You know what you like, you know what you love...you have to look at yourself in the mirror everyday..so why not be the one to show everyone else how it's done.

Now I'm done. For now....not sure if it made any sense...but I just had to get it off of my chest.

Disclaimer:  I guess you think this blog is about you? Don't you? Don't you? Don't You? (Remember Janet's song? LOL)  Well it's not.  It's just something that was on my heart...it may not even have been for me....it might have just been something that I was meant to write for someone else.

Marketing and Motivation Mondays with Monica Marie Jones

One Breath...

Sometimes I feel I fall one breath short of living.

Suspended in a state of destructive thoughts and feelings.

When you live inside of your head, how do you survive?

Smothered by thoughts and emotions that you’ve always tried to hide.

A dark place with very little air.  It’s like you’re drowning in a pool of self imposed despair.

I need light…sunshine to be exact…to thrive.
If I stay inside of this cognitive cave I won’t make it out alive

Holding On To Hope...Hoping to Hold On

Am I holding on to hopelessness?
Making you out to be something that even you can’t see?

It’s not you…it’s me
Trying to make you into what I want you to be

When all that you can be is you
And until you are ready, there’s really nothing I can do
To make you want to stay
The tighter I hold on, the more you pull away

The only way to have you, may be to let you go
So we can have the space and time that we both need to grow

Intoxication (A Poem)

Your presence is intoxicating

A natural high so stimulating

I can only experience you in moderation

If we continue to be so close

I might overdose

You are my sweet release

My place of peace

Something so good can’t be safe

Tiny increments are all that I can take

Small portions…I can only take a taste

I must pace myself…there’s no need for haste

I’m always left wanting more

Every time that you leave I press my ear, my face, my hand…my heart against the door

In the morning I open my eyes in anticipation of seeing your face

Instead a hangover looms in your place

Hung over from taking in too much of you

You’re like a habit I can’t shake..one hit turns into two

Intoxication…inebriation…I don’t know what to call it

All I know is that I can’t wait for the next installment

Marketing and Motivation Mondays Radio Show Excerpt May 10, 2010

Marketing and Motivation Mondays Radio Show April 26, 2010

Name Recognition Vs. Knowledge: Popularity and The Political Process

There are two subjects that I almost always shy away from debating…Religion and Politics. There is rarely a winner in such debates and the discussions are often fueled by fiery emotions.

Recently I attended a luncheon for an advisory board that I sit on where the topic of discussion became Detroit politics. I was the only Detroit resident in the room and I simply sat by quietly and took notes.

Sadly, it seemed that the rest of the non-Detroit residents were far more versed than I on the subject. This leads directly to the point of this blog…Do we tend to vote based on name recognition and popularity or the knowledge and experience of the candidates?

I’ve heard more than two people say that if Kwame Kilpatrick ran for Mayor again tomorrow..He would probably still win or at least get a ton of votes.

There are many factors that contribute to the success of campaigns that have little to do with the experience and knowledge of the candidate. These factors include the message, the money and the mindset.

The message is how the candidate and the press package and sell their product. It’s those things that they promise, their platform and what often determines their popularity.

Before we, the people, can even get the message, there must be money. Where there is more money, there is a better chance of that candidate not only making sure that their message is heard loud and clear, but I’m sure that campaigns who raise the most money have a direct correlation to candidates that win.

Even beyond the message and the money is the mindset of the people. The voters often lack the knowledge of not only the track record and experience of the candidates, but also the political process in general. We are finally beginning to get out and do what our ancestors fought and died to get the rights for, but we still have more work to do. We not must only make sure that we are educated but we must hold ourselves accountable for educating others.

These are just my thoughts….you take it from here.

He's Just Not That Into You: Our Point of View

Those of you that know me well know that I love to write and talk about love, relationships and men. This past weekend my girlfriends and I got together and had a dialogue with some gentlemen on several related subjects. The question was posed, “How do you know when a guy is just not that into you?” There’s already been a book and a movie released on the subject, but we wanted to hear it straight from the mouths of the type of men that we encounter every day. Here is what they had to say…

A man is just not that into you if…

1. He doesn’t call or text you. Of course, men who have careers or are involved with their community may very well be busy. But the truth of the matter is that everyone usually makes time for what or who they are interested in, no matter how busy their schedule is.

2. You are a 7 or higher and he still doesn’t make time for you. We usually rate people on a scale of 1 to 10 based upon looks, personality and an array of other factors, with 10 being the highest score. Thus, anything in the range of 7 or higher is quite favorable. So the point here is that if you’ve got it going on and he STILL doesn’t make you a priority…He’s just not that into you.

3. Excuses. This one is rather self explanatory. If he’s constantly making excuses as to why he cannot spend time with you…He’s just not that into you.

4. He doesn’t return your calls or text messages within thirty minutes to an hour. This is a tricky one because I know that there are times when a man may be in a meeting, or performing on stage, or doing something that lasts longer than an hour where they may not be able to get away to return your call. But for the most part, if his failure to return your call or text within that time frame happens more often than not…He’s just not that into you.


5. He does not ask about or is not concerned about your personal life. When someone is interested in you, it is also extremely highly likely that they are interested in the things that are going on with your life. Things such as your career, your family, how you are feeling, what you are doing and the like. If he never asks questions about your personal life, or shows little to no interest when you share things about yourself…He’s just not that into you.

These five points are based upon the opinions of those that were involved in the conversation, but you must admit that overall, they make a whole lot of sense. I’d love to hear your thoughts about the existing points or other red flags that you’d like to add to this list. We will discuss what to do (and what not to do) when he’s just not that into you in a follow up blog.

The Power Couple

In this day and age where the divorce rate is high and the chances of finding that one true love seem to be low, the power couple still prevails. What does it take to be a power couple? Who comes to mind?

Our President and First Lady are definitely the poster children for the perfect power couple. Each of them has created their own solid presence as individuals yet they are an even stronger brand as a team. With any team that has been dubbed a power couple, autonomy is key. Autonomy is defined as a strong sense of self or independence. For instance, if my man is often known and referred to as, Monica Marie Jones' boyfriend then that relationship would not be what I consider as power couple. Each party in the couple should have a distinct and unique identity of their own.

Another component to being a successful power couple is to be intentional about planning for quality time in the midst of the cooperative hustle and grind. A power couple must know how to have a balance between romance and business. Even President Barack and First Lady Michelle Obama have a specified date night as well as an alternate night if the scheduled night has to be missed for any reason.

Next, an ideal power couple must have the capacity for what actors and actresses refer to as give and take. This means that they complement one another perfectly. One party should have strengths in areas that prove to be a challenge for the other.

When it comes to the woman in the relationship a phrase that is often used in hip hop culture comes to mind. “A ride or die chick”. This essentially means that the woman supports her man and has his back no matter what.

On the flip side, Destiny's Child said it best when they sung, "I need a soldier, someone who can stand up for me…" I might speak for myself when I say that I love a man that makes me feel protected, taken care of and that would go to war for me if need be, but I'm sure that there are many other women out there that would agree.

There are countless other traits and characteristics that define a modern day power couple, but autonomy, give and take, intentionally planning for quality time in the midst of the cooperative hustle and being that ride or die chick or that soldier are pertinent. What do you think it takes to make the perfect power couple?