Boundaries

Space can be a beautiful thing.

 
I'm sitting here in a small room in Louisville. I am alone so I am forced to face myself. I have been thinking and praying and reading and writing. It has only been a week, but I have already begun to process through so many feelings and emotions that I could once easily ignore with all of the distractions at home.

 

Tonight I am studying boundaries. I have come to the realization that giving too much has burned me out. So I am trying to learn how to set healthy boundaries again. The timing is just right because I am in a major period of transition. My relationships are changing, responsibilities are ending, and I am challenging myself to more intentionally focus on me.  Someone that has recently become near and dear to me brought to my attention that I often help others at the expense of myself, and it shows. Having someone that is willing to tell you the truth with love is priceless.

So in my reading tonight I came across a passage that was just confirmation of something that I heard in a totally unrelated podcast that I listened to while walking by the water this past summer. It read,

 

"Sometimes physically removing yourself from a situation will help maintain boundaries. You can replenish physically, emotionally, and spiritually after you have given to your limit, as Jesus often did." 

 

Day by day, the longer I am here...I feel that happening slowly but surely. Later in the text I read,

"The Bible urges us to separate from those who continue to hurt us and to create a safe space for ourselves. Removing yourself from the situation will also cause the one who is left behind to experience a loss of fellowship that may lead to changed behavior."

 

Wow.

 

There are so many thing that I've held inside of me, that are still patiently waiting to be processed through my writing. Things that I've held on to since 2008. So now, slowly but surely, I will pour it onto the page.

 

Welcome to my inner world.

 

Most Sincerely

 

Just Me...Monica Marie 

 

Beautiful Minds

Beautiful Minds...
...Much like jazz... they have no rhythm or no rhyme

Unexpected improv patterns
Impromptu peaks, plateaus and valleys

I even dig the darkest places
Like cognac and live blues in sexy night spot spaces

Tucked into a cozy booth
Where shadows hide your inner truth

Thoughts come in waves of depth and intensity
Much like the soul stirring bass of R&B

And ideas come and go in droves
Few settle in to make themselves at home

Yeah, your mind is like sweet music
And I love the way you use it

Not of sound mind some might say
But I love all of the sounds you play

An infinitely intelligent instrument
Playing wisdom and words and wondrous whit

I see you...
And I get you
Unlike most mere mortals do

I hear you... mentally
No need to explain verbally

Beautiful... dangerously
Exuding and executing creative mastery

I'm so attracted to your mind that I can't get you out of mine...

Perhaps because your mind is a reflection of my own
And seeing how you think let's me know I'm not alone.

Runaway Bride

So...I could be married by now...If I wanted to be...but I can't help but wonder if the hold up is me...

"I would be patient, kind, faithful and true...to a man who loves music, a man who loves art, respects the spirit world, and thinks with his heart..."

I heard these India Arie lyrics today (from her song, I am Ready for Love) and I thought, "Yeah, that's all I need to make me want to settle down..." But is that REALLY my truth?

Well, the truth is that if I TRULY wanted to be married by now...I could be... My last two official boyfriends (I had a few complicated situations in between) had rings on the lay away...but I left both of them...because I messed up. See, we always think that it's the man who is the "dog" and the woman who is the victim...but that's not always the case. Am I a runaway bride? I just run before the engagement or proposal actually happens...

People, men in particular, always ask me, "WHY are you still single?" or, "WHY aren't YOU married?"  My answer always USED to be, "Because boys are stupid!" LOL. But after a few conversations from some of my male friends that are in relationships, my answer has recently shifted to... "Because boys are stupid, and the good ones are with stupid women!"

You see, it seems as if, when we have something good, we take it for granted. It seems to be very difficult for us all to cherish a good thing when we have it. Why is that?

I was listening/watching the On the Go with Tiffany Patton radio show today on Urban Nation Radio. Her guest, Author Linda Dominique Grosvenor-Holland, said a couple of things that resonated with me...

"There is someone that is designed to plug into your purpose in life."  That's what she had to say about soul mates. Do you believe in soul mates?

She also said, "BE what you desire in a mate."

SIGH.

So now, as of the month of August, I have just been focusing on loving me as hard as I love on everyone else, especially those that I am in a relationship...or situationship with...

Everyone says that loving yourself first, and best, is the key to a healthy and lasting relationship...so I guess I should finally, TRULY give that a try huh? So, that's why I have dubbed August, my #SummerLoveTour...the month where I focus on me and everything that I love, and loving on me as hard as I love on everyone else. Believe it or not, it's easier said than done...but I'm giving it my best try. :)

So we shall see how it all pans out.

In the meantime I'm having a whole lot of fun surrounding myself with people and things that intrigue me...and it feel SO good. I am on a natural high every day.

Perhaps soon, I will find the love of my live, but in the meantime, that love is ME. :)

The POWER of Relationships in Business, LOVE and Life - Motivation Monda...

Orbits

We DEFINITELY have a connection
I want him.
Perhaps a one on one
Totally innocent...
Just smoke and drink and listen to music...

...and talk
And let that energy between me and he
Swirl and twirl and dance and intertwine
And just savor it and simmer in the sexual tension...
...and and leave it at that...
Because he has a girl and Lord knows I don't need ANOTHER complicated situation. ..
But he...intrigues me...
I want to kiss him...
Right now I could be WITH him...
I'm feeling insatiable at the moment
So I'll just close my eyes and fantasize
What life might be like if he were all mine

Midweek Motivation - "Poetry in Motion" Featuring Poetic

Interview with Monica Blaire on the Motivation Mondays with Monica Marie...

More Fun with Monica Blaire - The Impromptu Jam Session

The Artist Date (Momentum for Your Muse Series Part 2)

Momentum for Your Muse Series Part 2 

This, Momentum for Your Muse series is designed for writers, but it can apply to any artist  or business person because creativity is a major ingredient that is necessary in all that we do.

 The Artist Date

 “How vain is it to sit down and write when you have not stood up to live.” – Henry David Thoreau

In the book, The Artist’s Way, the author, Julia Cameron suggests that once a week we take ourselves out on what she calls an Artist Date. An artist date is an outing that serves the purpose of sparking your creativity.  This date does not have to cost money, but it should add value to helping refresh your mind so that you can create. Below you will find some suggestions for artist dates on a budget. 

Cultural Arts Experiences

Visit your local museum. If you live in the Detroit area, I suggest doing the tour at the Motown Museum or the tour of the And Still We Rise exhibit at the Charles H. Wright Museum of African American History. Did you know that if you live in Wayne, Oakland or Macomb counties that your admission to the Detroit Institute of Arts (DIA) is free?  If you are a Bank of America customer you can visit the Motown Museum, the Henry Ford Museum and other places for FREE on the first weekend of every month.

Regardless of your region, there will always be art. Pay a visit to your local museum or art gallery and just sit back to wait for and watch the mental magic that will occur. 

Movies and Music

Do you remember the dollar show? Well we still have one in Warren, Michigan called Cinemark 16. The price has hiked up to a whopping $1.50, BUT they have specials for children, seniors and the first show of the day.

As for music, I often enjoy my favorite local jazz/funk/neo-soul fusion band for free at various venues around that city. Live music just does something good for the soul.

Nature and Architecture 

No matter where you live, there is usually some beautiful park, body of water or natural scenery that you can enjoy. My park of choice is Belle Isle in Detroit where I walk the perimeter (5 miles around so it’s a great workout too) and enjoy the view of the water and wildlife.  When it’s colder I like to drive along the shore headed East on Jefferson Avenue, passing through several small cities while enjoying the water to my right and big, beautiful homes to my left.

These are just a few suggestions to get you started. This week (and every week hereafter) I challenge you to visit a venue that will ignite your creativity. 

If you haven’t done so already, check out part 1 of this series where we talk about making mental space. Next week we will discuss how to set up your work space and environment in a way that will motivate your muse.

Make Mental Space (Momentum for Your Muse Series Part 1)

This past Saturday I had every intention of facilitating a custom workshop that I designed for the Motown Writers Network called “Momentum for Your Muse.” My body had other plans. It completely shut down on me and I was so sick that I could not move for over 24 hours. I still hope to facilitate this workshop at some point, but in the mean time I want to leave you with a series that highlights the main points and ideas from the workshop. This workshop was designed for writers, but it can be applied to any creative or business process. I’ll give you one small chunk to focus on each week to keep the momentum going for whatever project you are focused on for the New Year.

Make Mental Space

“We are cups, constantly and quietly being filled. The trick is, knowing how to tip ourselves over and let the beautiful stuff out.” – Ray Bradbury

Our minds are often so cluttered with thoughts, ideas, tasks, responsibilities, drama and worries that little space is left for creativity. For most of us, the mental noise begins before we even wake up. We begin to go over our to-do list, we mull over things that happened the day before, we think about everything that has to be done and how little time we have to make it all happen. Whether it is a business plan, a workout plan, a recipe or a book, we must find a way to clear our mental space to be able to create.

Deep Restorative Breathing

Clearing you mind may be as simple as taking a series of deep restorative breaths. Breathe in deeply for a slow count of four through your nose and breathe out of your mouth deeply for a slow count of four. I recommend at least four of these deep breaths, but do as many as you need. Go ahead…try it now...

How did that feel?

Meditation

Those deep breaths can lead to another common practice which is meditation. This is one that I have yet to master, because I find it extremely challenging to sit still.  There are many books, blogs and even classes on how to meditate, but the simple definition is the practice of concentrated focus. This focus can be on your breathing, a sound, an object or visualization. It can be used to contemplate or reflect. While meditating, be mindful not to let the millions of thoughts flood your brain again, that is why it is important to choose a focus.

Prayer

“Creativity is God’s gift to us. Using our creativity is our gift back to God.” – Julia Cameron

Another practice similar to meditation is prayer. Ask for forgiveness, give gratitude, as for what you want or need including the mental clarity and inspiration to be able to create. After the prayer, take a moment of time in still silence. We often pray and then keep it moving instead of waiting and listening for guidance, direction and instruction.

Journal

In the book, The Artist’s Way, the author, Julia Cameron suggests that we write what she calls Morning Pages every day. These are three pages written in a journal or notebook about any and everything that is on our minds. These writings are not meant to be creative or profound (though they may end up that way), they are just meant to take all of the stuff that is in our minds and put it on the page to clear that space for creativity.

This week I challenge you to try one or all of these methods to make mental space for that which you desire to create. Next week we will explore how you can spark or ignite that creativity once the space has been made.

Don't Complain...Take Action!

Over the past few days I have read post after post on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram filled with anger, sadness, frustration and despair surrounding the Trayvon Martin case and the Zimmerman verdict. The posts that resonated with me the most were the ones that encouraged or challenged us to take action. So I gave it some thought..."What immediate action could I take?" I realized that there is certainly a need for motivation, inspiration and encouragement during this sad time, so as a result, I have made both of my motivational eBooks, "Monday Morning Motivation" and "Momentum" free. Please download them (by clicking on the titles), read them and share them with someone who you know that needs a lift. 

Complaining is easy and it often leads to very little if any change or results. This week I encourage you to identify a way that you can take action that will make a difference, no matter how large or small.

My New Book! "MOMENTUM"

I have been on an exciting journey toward financial literacy and ultimately financial freedom. For the past three years I have been studying investing, real estate and getting out of debt among other things that have to do with money. 

As a result I have synthesized everything that I've learned into my NEW book, "MOMENTUM: Daily Meditations From the Minds of Millionaires".  

You can download the book here http://t.co/KOcL0kXnRM and you can check out what I have to say about it in the video interview below that I did with The Motown Writers Network. :)

Day 11 of my 60 Day Fitness Challenge!

Day 1 of my 60 Day Fitness Challenge!

The Big Chop!

There is power in hair. All my life, I've wanted long hair. Perhaps I was socialized to believe that long hair would make me pretty. I remember being young and draping a towel over my head pretending like it was long flowing tresses. I started out with long thick hair as a little girl, but once I got a perm at the age of 7, everything went down hill from there. Then I got a hold of an electric curling iron and further damaged my hair. 

Once I began swimming in middle school, the chlorine caused it all to fall out. In college I tried Debbie Allen's "Copa" product (which people later sued her for), which was supposed to be all natural, but my hair fell out once again...then later in college when I took on a full load of classes, three jobs, and five extra curricular activities, it broke of from stress.

After reading several books about coming out of a perm and wearing my natural hair, I finally got it right in my early twenties. My hair was long, thick, healthy and flowing down my back. Then in my early thirties, stress, or love, or trying to be cute and sleeping without wrapping my hair up caused my hair to do things that I had never experienced before. I noticed it thinning, then next thing a knew, I had a CLEAN BALD patch on the top left side of my head that I tried to hide with different styles for months, but pretty soon I had to get a full sew in weave to hide my bald spot and my bruised self-esteem.

Since then, the hair has grown back, but it still has never been the same. SO for my 34th birthday, I decided to do something different. I had reached a cross roads in my life and decided that it was time for some major changes. Time to let go of some things. My attachment to my hair was one of those things. SO I decided to cut it. Something that was unheard of for me in the past because I was always so obsessed with wearing it long and trying to will it to grow. 

Soooooo.....I finally went through with it. The BIG Chop! And I must say, that it was quite liberating and I feel like it was symbolic of my transition from being a young woman to a grown woman.  

I plan to let it grow back out, but sometimes in order for something to be healthy...and truly grow...you have to let it go.

A Social 'Media' Experiment

I have unplugged from the matrix. I have deactivated all of my Twitter and Facebook accounts. Have you noticed?  This blog, my LinkedIn account and my website are pretty much all that is left of my online presence. 

Why you ask? I was ready to live in the real world...to be present and in the moment. I was spending more much time wrapped up in a virtual reality than I was living in the here and now. 

I had to take a step back and re-evaluate where and how I was spending my energy, what my motives were and what type of fruit was being produced by the seeds that I was planting.

Most importantly...I had to get back to me...just Me...Monica Marie

Marriage License Renewal?

So, I just got my real estate license. And I am learning that in order to keep it, there are several requirements that must be met. I must take ongoing continuing education courses. I must take yearly trainings in ethics and legal updates.  The case was also somewhat similar when I got my teaching certificate and my certification to be a youth development trainer...

So it got me to thinking, what if there were certain requirements that couples must meet in order to get and keep their marriage license?  With all of my licenses, including my driver's license, I had to first study and take a test.  After that, if I did not meet whatever obligations were set forth, my license or certificate would expire. 

How awesome would it be if couples HAD to study what it takes to be successfully married first, then they had to take a test, and THEN once they became husband and wife they had to take ongoing classes, workshops and seminars to make sure that they stayed strong in their union for years to come? Would 50% (or whatever the current statistic is) of all marriages still end in divorce?  Think about it...

-Just Me...Monica Marie

Transitions...

My latest book

It is due time for me to fill you in on the adventures that are my life. I am in a time of major change and transition. For the last several years I have branded myself as an author and motivational speaker. The love and support that I received from that path has been amazing. Lately, I have been having strong feelings that it is time for a major shift in my life. Now is the time for me to put everything in its proper place and order of priority. For some things this means taking a step away or ending it all together, for other things, this means an exciting new beginning.

One of my 1st Investment Properties

I have embarked upon a new path. The new priority in my life is Real Estate. This is not to say that I will never write or speak again, because I will. Writing and speaking are a very important part of any successful business...but you may find that what I write and speak about at this point may be more focused on the area that is my priority.

I entered the real estate game in elementary school. My first job was at my Grandfather's real estate company called Westchester Estates. It was called Westchester because that term is a combination of the two Parishes in Jamaica that my Grandmother and Grandfather were from...Westmoreland and Manchester. I've always had a wide variety of Real Estate books collecting dust on my shelves because in my heart of hearts I always knew that I would get back into it some day.

One year ago, I re-entered the field as an investor. I began acquiring residential properties in my hometown of Detroit. I was immediately fascinated and intrigued by it all. This led me to do further research and seek more education and professional development. In a whirlwind process over the last few months I took my real estate pre-licensing class, took and passed the state exam, got my real estate license and got hired into an office as a real estate agent. In the midst of all of this my real estate investing company acquired 5 new properties, several of which were multi-units.

Out ballroom dancing

So as you can see, I've got quite a full plate. 

Each piece of this message can be broken down into it's own detailed story in separate blogs...and I just may do that at some point...but I just wanted to take a moment out of my self-imposed crazy busy life to tell you what's new with me.....Monica Marie.

Can Men and Women be "Just Friends?"

Valentine's Day

I love LOVE...but I must admit...that I fight it. As I look back over all of my relationships, I realize, that I'm the one that starts acting funny. I say what I want, then when I get it...it's still not enough. Perhaps the problem is that I am looking for my joy and my peace and my passion in my relationships...

Relationships are great to supplement those things, but true joy and peace and passion can really only come from self...from within. I know this...preach this...so why in the WORLD don't I practice this. 

The first time I truly fell in love...I learned that love was not enough. So then I found someone who had the other end of the spectrum...the logistical side...but that's not all peaches and cream either. Does a balance exist? Or does the answer lie in me?  Do I give up too soon?  Could I with patience, dedication and hard work, could I make either situation end up as a success story?

Or does Prince Charming really exist? Could I find a man that has a perfect balance of loving me to pieces...a man that I am enough for...a man in whom I evoke such undying love and admiration for me that he loses all desire for any other woman...a man who is a strong and responsible leader...who adds value to my life...teaches me...and makes me better...

Is that all a fairy tale...or is it possible?

There have been amazing things about all of the men that I've had serious relationships...things that other women only wish they had... so it makes me wonder if I'm unhappy...or ungrateful...or if it has anything to do with them at all...perhaps the problem and the answer lies in me.

I feel like with enough time and research...I can figure anything out...except for love. Love is the only thing that still baffles me...consistently.

Is it only me?

I'd love to hear from someone that feels that they have it figured out.