Valentine's Day

I love LOVE...but I must admit...that I fight it. As I look back over all of my relationships, I realize, that I'm the one that starts acting funny. I say what I want, then when I get it...it's still not enough. Perhaps the problem is that I am looking for my joy and my peace and my passion in my relationships...

Relationships are great to supplement those things, but true joy and peace and passion can really only come from self...from within. I know this...preach this...so why in the WORLD don't I practice this. 

The first time I truly fell in love...I learned that love was not enough. So then I found someone who had the other end of the spectrum...the logistical side...but that's not all peaches and cream either. Does a balance exist? Or does the answer lie in me?  Do I give up too soon?  Could I with patience, dedication and hard work, could I make either situation end up as a success story?

Or does Prince Charming really exist? Could I find a man that has a perfect balance of loving me to pieces...a man that I am enough for...a man in whom I evoke such undying love and admiration for me that he loses all desire for any other woman...a man who is a strong and responsible leader...who adds value to my life...teaches me...and makes me better...

Is that all a fairy tale...or is it possible?

There have been amazing things about all of the men that I've had serious relationships...things that other women only wish they had... so it makes me wonder if I'm unhappy...or ungrateful...or if it has anything to do with them at all...perhaps the problem and the answer lies in me.

I feel like with enough time and research...I can figure anything out...except for love. Love is the only thing that still baffles me...consistently.

Is it only me?

I'd love to hear from someone that feels that they have it figured out.

Rejection Reloaded

"I'm and artist and I'm sensitive about my - - - -"  - Erykah Badu

I’m pretty darn confident.   But every now and then I get a pretty hard blow that darn near knocks me off my little personal pedestal.  This past summer I made the decision to pitch my latest self-published novel, “Swag” to a few major publishers.  I really believed in the work and felt that I had grown quite a bit as a writer since the last book that I released (“Floss”).  

The first correspondence that I got from one of the publishers was favorable.  They were interested in my work and requested for me to send the entire manuscript.  That felt good.  Then, two of the other publishers sent me rejection letters within a week of one another.  The first one was cool, because they said my book wasn’t a fit for what they were looking for and they sent some amazing resources to help me improve my writing skills.  The last one that I received said that my writing wasn’t strong enough.  That stung.  

I love and welcome honest feedback, whether it’s good or bad, but that made me start to wonder, is writing books, really what I am supposed to be doing?  It made me second guess myself, which I don’t do often.  I mean, I absolutely love all things that have anything to do with reading, books and words, but does that mean that I am supposed to be an author?

“Perhaps I’m just supposed to be a literary personality or socialite,” I thought.  Perhaps someone like a Kim Kardashian or Paris Hilton of the Literary Industry.  Not necessarily having the skill or talent, but just as popular and paid as the accomplished and skilled actors, musicians and other entertainers….

But God…

Swag was released over a year ago, yet just this past week, out of nowhere,  I began hearing from readers whose opinions I really respect, about how much they enjoyed Swag and how they cannot wait for the next installment (“Intrigue”).  They didn’t know what I was going through.  They didn’t know that I had begun to doubt if this was really what I was supposed to be doing.  They didn’t know that their honest opinions came right on time…at a time when I needed them most...  

So to all of my readers:  I really appreciate you.  Thank you for being the conduit for my confirmations.