Runaway Bride

So...I could be married by now...If I wanted to be...but I can't help but wonder if the hold up is me...

"I would be patient, kind, faithful and true...to a man who loves music, a man who loves art, respects the spirit world, and thinks with his heart..."

I heard these India Arie lyrics today (from her song, I am Ready for Love) and I thought, "Yeah, that's all I need to make me want to settle down..." But is that REALLY my truth?

Well, the truth is that if I TRULY wanted to be married by now...I could be... My last two official boyfriends (I had a few complicated situations in between) had rings on the lay away...but I left both of them...because I messed up. See, we always think that it's the man who is the "dog" and the woman who is the victim...but that's not always the case. Am I a runaway bride? I just run before the engagement or proposal actually happens...

People, men in particular, always ask me, "WHY are you still single?" or, "WHY aren't YOU married?"  My answer always USED to be, "Because boys are stupid!" LOL. But after a few conversations from some of my male friends that are in relationships, my answer has recently shifted to... "Because boys are stupid, and the good ones are with stupid women!"

You see, it seems as if, when we have something good, we take it for granted. It seems to be very difficult for us all to cherish a good thing when we have it. Why is that?

I was listening/watching the On the Go with Tiffany Patton radio show today on Urban Nation Radio. Her guest, Author Linda Dominique Grosvenor-Holland, said a couple of things that resonated with me...

"There is someone that is designed to plug into your purpose in life."  That's what she had to say about soul mates. Do you believe in soul mates?

She also said, "BE what you desire in a mate."

SIGH.

So now, as of the month of August, I have just been focusing on loving me as hard as I love on everyone else, especially those that I am in a relationship...or situationship with...

Everyone says that loving yourself first, and best, is the key to a healthy and lasting relationship...so I guess I should finally, TRULY give that a try huh? So, that's why I have dubbed August, my #SummerLoveTour...the month where I focus on me and everything that I love, and loving on me as hard as I love on everyone else. Believe it or not, it's easier said than done...but I'm giving it my best try. :)

So we shall see how it all pans out.

In the meantime I'm having a whole lot of fun surrounding myself with people and things that intrigue me...and it feel SO good. I am on a natural high every day.

Perhaps soon, I will find the love of my live, but in the meantime, that love is ME. :)

He's Just Not That Into You: Our Point of View

Those of you that know me well know that I love to write and talk about love, relationships and men. This past weekend my girlfriends and I got together and had a dialogue with some gentlemen on several related subjects. The question was posed, “How do you know when a guy is just not that into you?” There’s already been a book and a movie released on the subject, but we wanted to hear it straight from the mouths of the type of men that we encounter every day. Here is what they had to say…

A man is just not that into you if…

1. He doesn’t call or text you. Of course, men who have careers or are involved with their community may very well be busy. But the truth of the matter is that everyone usually makes time for what or who they are interested in, no matter how busy their schedule is.

2. You are a 7 or higher and he still doesn’t make time for you. We usually rate people on a scale of 1 to 10 based upon looks, personality and an array of other factors, with 10 being the highest score. Thus, anything in the range of 7 or higher is quite favorable. So the point here is that if you’ve got it going on and he STILL doesn’t make you a priority…He’s just not that into you.

3. Excuses. This one is rather self explanatory. If he’s constantly making excuses as to why he cannot spend time with you…He’s just not that into you.

4. He doesn’t return your calls or text messages within thirty minutes to an hour. This is a tricky one because I know that there are times when a man may be in a meeting, or performing on stage, or doing something that lasts longer than an hour where they may not be able to get away to return your call. But for the most part, if his failure to return your call or text within that time frame happens more often than not…He’s just not that into you.


5. He does not ask about or is not concerned about your personal life. When someone is interested in you, it is also extremely highly likely that they are interested in the things that are going on with your life. Things such as your career, your family, how you are feeling, what you are doing and the like. If he never asks questions about your personal life, or shows little to no interest when you share things about yourself…He’s just not that into you.

These five points are based upon the opinions of those that were involved in the conversation, but you must admit that overall, they make a whole lot of sense. I’d love to hear your thoughts about the existing points or other red flags that you’d like to add to this list. We will discuss what to do (and what not to do) when he’s just not that into you in a follow up blog.